Down With The Sickness
by RPG Girl
Summary: Hawke and Anders had spent a night together as an act of love. Three months later, with several problems to deal with in Kirkwall, Hawke becomes ill. When it is discovered that she is pregnant, Anders begins losing control of Justice, believing everything is a threat towards his love and unborn child. He runs away in fear, causing Hawke to become depressed.
1. Chapter 1

**Drowning deep in my sea of loathing**

**Broken your servant I kneel...**

**(Will you give in to me?)**

* * *

Hawke had decided to visit Anders at his clinic during her nightly stroll through Darktown.

Approaching the doorway, a familiar voice echoed through the alleyway.

"I do not have that!" shouted Isabela,"You must be misdiagnosing me!"

Hawke stifled a laugh as Anders' voice responded to Isabela,"Yes, you have a... disease.. Don't look at me like that. Maybe if you refrained from.. your usual activities.."

"How dare you- You cretin!" Isabela shouted, making her way to the exit.

"Just don't come running to me next time you pick up one of these diseases!" Anders called after her as she stomped through the doorway.

"..stupid idiot.. isn't that what magic is for?" Isabella griped under her breath as she stormed past Hawke.

Ander's sigh echoed through the clinic.

Hawke carefully opened the door and headed in.

"I don't want to know.." she giggled as she made her way up to Anders who was slouched against a pillar.

Taking note of his troubled expression, her smile faded,"Is everything alright?"

Anders rubbed his eyes and sighed,"Things just keep getting worse. I had templars practically on my doorstep the other night."

Hawke took a seat upon a crate beside the post,"Were they after you?"

"Well, not me, specifically. They were just checking the refugee camps." Anders said with a shrug.

"That's a relief!" Hawke said with a smirk.

"No, it's not. This place isn't exactly a secret.." Anders said, his arms crossed,"It's only a matter of time.."

"They'll have to go through me before they get to you!" Hawke said, angrily.

"That's not what I worry about. You're at risk just as much as I am." Anders said, worriedly.

"You don't have to worry about me, Anders. It's you I care more about." Hawke said with a smile.

"What if your money and position aren't enough?!" Anders said frantically,"What if the Knight Commander turns on you?!"

Hawke stood up and stopped in front of him,"Anders, get a hold of yourself. I'll be alright."

"I don't care what you say. I'll drown us in blood if I have to, to keep you safe!" Anders said, sadly.

"There's no need for that, Anders." Hawke said, placing both hands upon his shoulders.

"You're wrong.. there will be nothing but violence and more violence.." Anders said with a frown,"If you tie yourself to me, I'll only hurt you."

Hawke said, confused,"Hurt me? You'd never do such a thing. Anders, all I want is for you to stand by my side."

"But, if I stay, it's not going to end well." Anders said, angrily,"You've seen what's inside of me.. I'm a monster.."

"Justice is the monster, Anders, Not you." Hawke said, sighing.

"You don't want to do this, Hawke. I have no control around you!" Anders said, backing away from her,"I'll break your heart. That'll kill me as surely as the templars.."'

Hawke frowned a little,"Anders.. why are you acting like this?"

Anders looked down at his feet and sighed,"You really have no idea how hard this is for me."

"Why don't you enlighten me, then?" Hawke said as she slowly makes her way towards him.

"We could die tomorrow and my feelings for you would have never been made known." Anders said with a frown.

Hawke blushed a little as she came to a stop in front of him.

"It's been three years since the Deep Roads.. three years you've haunted my sleep..." Anders said, staring into her eyes.

Blushing a little more, Hawke smiled at him,"You've been thinking of me since then?"

Anders' face turned red,"I awoke every night aching for you. I may be an abomination but I'm still a man... this is madness!"

"I... can't believe this.. why didn't you just tell me, Anders?" Hawke said, blushing bright red.

"I can't trust myself. I'm a monster.. I'd do nothing but hurt you." Anders said, sadly.

"Well, I don't care about you being a monster." Hawke said with an evil glint in her eyes,"I'm willing to take the risk."

"Don't tempt me unless you're ready for what it means." Anders said with a frown,"You can't go on teasing me and expect me to resist forever!"

"Teasing you?!" Hawke said with a smirk,"What on Earth are you talking about?"

"You've been nothing but nice to me since we've met." Ander said with a blush,"You've stood by my side despite what I am.. you stopped me from killing an innocent!"

"What are you saying, Anders?" Hawke asked him, averting her eyes.

"Hawke, I.." Anders stuttered, his face bright red.

"I love you, too, Anders." Hawke said happily, her heart beating in her chest.

A small gasp escaped Hawke's mouth as he forced his mouth upon hers.

She returned the kiss, his tongue slipping between her lips; his body pressing her up against a nearby pillar.

Anders ran his hands along her back, moaning against her mouth.

The sounds of footsteps making their way down the alleyway quickly bought them out of their moment.

They blushed as they looked into each other's eyes; their hearts beating in their chests.

"If your door is open tonight, I will come to you.." Anders whispered into her ear.

A frown made its way upon his face as he stepped away,"If not.. then, I'll know you took my warning."

Hawke eyed him as he greeted the approaching refugees.

She made her way to the doorway; Anders carrying a sickly child past her.

He smiled weakly at her before she left; sadness in his eyes.

* * *

The night was calm; the dark sky filled with twinkling stars.

Hawke had spent most of her day in her room, thinking about what had passed between her and Anders.

She had felt a little something for him since she had met him, but wasn't quite sure what it was.

But, since he had made his feelings known, she realized she had come to like him a lot; possibly love him.

Her mind swirled with nervous thoughts as she awaited his appearance.

Around midnight, he had shown up; a carefree demeanor unlike what he usually projected to others.

She had invited him in and he nervously followed her to her room.

* * *

"I thought you weren't going to come.." Hawke said, nervously.

"Justice doesn't approve of my obsession with you." Anders said with a slight blush,"He believes you're a distraction."

Hawke smirked a little,"Yeah.. a distraction from him and your cause."

"Don't be like that, Hawke.." Anders sighed, walking towards her.

"I'm sorry... life is just hard, you know?" Hawke said, staring into the flames in her fireplace.

Anders smiled at her, placing his hand upon her shoulder.

"I completely understand.. you don't have to be alone, through this." he said, smirking down at her.

Hawke looked up into his eyes and blushed,"Thank you, Anders.. does Justice approve of us?"

Anders smirked,"This is one of the few things he and I disagree about. But, I could care less what he thinks."

"Well, I'm glad to hear it." Hawke said with a smile.

"You know, when I was in the circle, love was just a game.." Anders said, brushing her cheek.

She rubbed her face against his hand and closed her eyes.

"It gave the templars too much power if there was something you couldn't stand to lose." Anders said with a smirk.

She opened her eyes and smiled up at him; her face slightly red with nervousness.

"It would kill me if I lost you." He said, grasping her shoulders gently.

A look of sadness crossed his face as he stared down at her.

Hawke sadly caressed his cheek,"You're never going to lose me..."

"No mage I know has ever dared to love." Anders said, grasping her chin in his hand,"That's a rule I will cherish breaking.."

Anders lifted her face to meet his as he gently pressed his lips against hers.

Hawke's heart beat fast in her chest as she returned the kiss.

He pulled her closer to him and began running his hands over her body; kissing her gently as he went.

Hawke grasped his hand and slowly lead him to her bed.

She laid back upon the bed as Anders removed his robes and crawled on top of her.

He gently kissed her as he helped her remove her robes.

She shivered a little as he caressed her skin.

"Are you alright?" he asked her softly.

"I'll be fine.." Hawke said nervously,"it's just.."

Anders stared down into her eyes with love.

"No worries, my love.. I understand.." he said, removing his shoes and pants.

Hawke nervously removed her chest coverings as Anders slowly pulled off her underwear.

Both of them blushed bright red.

Anders carefully positioned himself on top of her, smiling down into her eyes.

A loud gasp escaped Hawke's mouth as he took her virginity.

Small whimpers escaped from her and Anders bent down to kiss her gently upon the forehead.

* * *

After consummating their love, Hawke had started crying.

Between losing her sister and mother and dealing with all the problems in Kirkwall, she had been frustrated with life and being alone through it.

Ander's comforted her, holding her until she calmed down.

She never said anything about why she was crying and he had never questioned her.

He had smiled their whole night together.

His life had been lonely even with Justice there.

Hawke was the first spark of happiness he had had in a long time.

Despite the hardships they had to soon face, he wanted nothing more than to stay in bed with her.

* * *

Morning was signaled by streams of sunlight shining through the curtains.

Anders woke Hawke up with a gentle kiss.

Having said all they needed to through their act of love, they dressed themselves in silence.

Hawke took a stand beside the fireplace and stared at the remaining embers as Anders finished getting dressed.

She stood silently in thought as Anders approached her.

"I love you." he said with a smile,"I've been holding back saying that for so long."

Hawke smiled up at him as he bent down to kiss her.

"You should have a normal life.. you've been through too much." he said with a small frown,"You shouldn't tie yourself down with a fugitive with no future."

"I don't ever want you to leave." Hawke said quietly.

Anders smiled widely,"Do you mean that? Would you have me living here with you?"

Hawke smiled up at him and nodded her head 'yes'.

"Would you tell the world- the Knight commander.. everyone!... that you love an apostate and would stand by him?"he said happily.

Hawke smiled and gave him a kiss upon the cheek.

"Are you sure I'm not dreaming?" Anders said with a small frown,"I'm still terrified I will wake up..."

At that, he had pulled her close to him and held her; kissing her gently..


	2. Chapter 2

**I can see inside you, the sickness is rising**

**Don't try to deny what you feel**

**(Will you give in to me?)**

* * *

It had been three months since that night.

Hawke had been busy with the Quanari and Anders had been busy at his clinic.

They hardly ever had time to be together.

This caused a great deal of stress for them.

Hawke was especially distraught, having been stricken with a horrible stomach illness.

She had tried to ignore it, continuing on as if nothing was wrong.

But, when she had fallen in battle while helping Varric confront his brother, Merril decided she needed to get help.

Merril had Fenris carry the fainted Hawke to Ander's clinic.

* * *

"Hey, mage, we need you." Fenris barks, pushing the clinic doors open.

"Be careful, Fenris! Don't hit her head!" Merril says quickly, trying to guide Fenris into the clinic.

Anders looks up from his desk and waves to them.

"Hey, there! Long time no talk." he says with a smile.

Noticing Hawke in Fenris's arms, his face become serious.

"What happened?! Is she okay?!" he says quickly, standing up from his desk.

"She hasn't been feeling good, lately." Varric says from behind Fenris.

"She's been very.. queasy.." Merril says, making a disgusted face.

"Put her over here.. on this cot.." Anders says, worriedly.

"You don't think she's been poisoned, do you?" Varric says, looking down at the sleeping Hawke.

"Could be possible." Fenris grunts, setting Hawke down upon the cot.

Anders kneels down beside the cot and begins checking her vitals.

His hands shake a little as he checks her pulse and does a basic exam.

"Well, she shows no signs of poisoning.." he says with a sigh.

"That's good!" Merril says with a smile.

"I'll have to start using magic, now."Anders says, holding his hands above Hawke.

A blue glow takes over his body as he closes his eyes and begins chanting.

"Well?" Fenris grunts.

"Nothing out of the ordinary.." Anders says, worriedly.

"Relax, Anders, I don't think she's dying." Varric says, looking down at Hawke.

"Maybe she's just overworking herself?" Merril says with a shrug,"All of us have hardly had time to relax, we've been so busy!"

Anders nods his head yes and takes a seat upon a nearby crate,"I just feel so bad.. I've not been with her lately."

"Don't worry about it so much, mage, she'll be fine.." Fenris barks.

"We'll leave her with you, Anders." Merril says with a small smile,"She's in good hands, now."

They say their goodbyes and exit the clinic, leaving Anders to himself.

* * *

"I'm so sorry, Hawke.." he sighs,"I've been such a horrible lover.. leaving you to deal with all these troubles by yourself again.."

Hawke moves around a little in her sleep, turning in her cot to face Anders.

Anders sighs again and gently caresses her cheek.

"..if you wake up.." he says sadly, trying not to worry too much about her,"I promise I'll travel with you again.. The clinic may need me, but you need me more."

"..A-Anders..?" comes the quiet voice of Hawke.

Anders smiles as he bends closer to her,"Oh, Hawke! Thank the Maker you're awake!"

"Where am I?" Hawke groans, trying to sit up in the cot.

A sharp pain shoots through her stomach, causing a feeling of nausea to overcome her.

She quickly throws her hands over her mouth and takes deep breaths.

"Are you okay?" Anders says, gently placing a hand upon her shoulder.

Noticing the queasy look upon her face, he quickly bends down to grab the chamber pot off of the floor and hands it to her.

She places it upon her lap and bends her head over it.

Tears stream out of her eyes as she hurls into the pot.

Her throat burns as she vomits up more and more of her stomach's contents.

Ander's gently pats her back as he holds back her hair.

Hawke's stomach slowly settles and she takes a deep breath, laying back down upon the cot.

She cries a little as she curls her legs up to her chest, trying to ignore the pain in her stomach.

Ander's presses his lips to her forehead and wipes away her tears.

"You're in the clinic, Hawke.. I'm here with you." Anders says, holding onto her hand.

"Anders? What's.. wrong with me?" Hawke says, crying a little.

"As far as I can tell, you're not poisoned and nothing suspicious is happening.." Anders says, his hands shaking as he places a rag on her forehead.

"Well, that's.. good, I guess.." Hawkes says, with a sigh.

"Varric said you haven't been feeling good for a while, now.." Anders says, caressing her cheek,"How long has this been happening, my love?"

Hawke takes a deep breath and closes her eyes,"It's been about two weeks, now."

"Two weeks?!" Anders says, shocked,"Why didn't you come see me before it got too bad, Hawke?"

"..Too busy... I didn't want to pull you away from your precious clinic." Hawke says, angrily.

"Don't be like that!" Anders barks, his face serious,"You know you're more important to me than this clinic!"

"Is that so?" Hawke growls, rolling her eyes,"Last I looked, you've done nothing but stay at this clinic!"

"The refugees need me.. you know that.." Anders growls.

"I need you, too, Anders." Hawke says, sadly,"I can't stand being alone, anymore. You're never home and you're never with the group."

"I..I'm sorry.." Anders says, sighing,"Can you forgive me, Hawke?"

"Maybe.." Hawke says, rolling over to face the side opposite Anders.

Anders sighs and runs his hands through his hair,"I'll give you some time to rest, my love. I'll be bringing you some stamina potions to see if they'll help..."

Hawke ignores him as he stands up from the crate and walks over to his desk.

He digs through his desk and conjures up two small; yellow potions.

"Can you sit up?" he asks her, kneeling down beside the bed.

Hawke carefully unbends her legs and slowly sits up.

A slight feeling of pressure in her stomach can be felt but nothing like her last attack.

Anders smiles a little and holds a bottle up to her mouth.

Hawke quickly downs it, making a face at the bitterness.

Anders smirks at her face and Hawke smiles back, a little.

"You realize you're not going to be able to go adventuring for a few, right?" Anders says, taking the bottle from her.

"But, Kirkwall needs me!" Hawke says, angrily.

"And, so do I!" Anders says, kissing her upon the head,"I don't know what's wrong with you.. I'm not about to lose you to an illness.."

Hawke rolls her eyes,"Oh, stop it, Anders! I'm not dying.. you said so, yourself."

"Well, regardless, I would like to take you home and care for you for a few days." Anders says, worriedly.

"What about your clinic?" Hawke says, ignoring the weariness bought on by the potion.

"To hell with the clinic, Hawke!" Anders says with a smirk,"Now, let's get you home before you become sick again."

Hawke smiles a little as Anders helps her out of the cot.

He wraps his arm around her waist and helps her slowly walk out of the clinic.

"Careful, love, don't push yourself too much." he says, leading her out the doorway.

"I'll be fine, Anders, don't worry.." Hawke says, trying to jerk away from him.

Anders grips her waist tightly and shuts the clinic door behind him


	3. Chapter 3

**It seems you're having some trouble**

**In dealing with these changes**

**Living with these changes (oh no)**

* * *

The two of them stumbled through the door of the Hawke Estate.

Hawke clinging to Anders; the nausea slowly coming back to her.

"Don't worry, my love, we'll have you in bed quickly." Anders says with a soft smile, shutting the door and helping Hawke up the stairs.

Hawke smiles up at him, then quickly clenches at her stomach as they reach the top of the stairs.

"Almost there, my love.." Anders says, gently picking her up into his arms and carrying her the rest of the way to her bedroom.

Shoving open the door, he carries her over to her four post bed and carefully lays her down, pulling the covers over her.

"Anders- don't!" Hawke says quickly, pressing her hand to her mouth.

Anders grabs the chamber pot from below her bed and hands it to her just in time.

Shoving her face to the entry, Hawke hurls into the pot, the medicine having not worked.

A slight frown crosses Ander's face as he caresses her back in hopes of giving her some sort of comfort.

"Thanks.." Hawke says with a small smile, a few minutes later as she withdraws her face from the pot.

Anders takes the pot from her and lays it upon the floor beside the bed.

"Here- drink some more, my love." he says, withdrawing the bottle from his robes pocket and handing it to her.

Downing it slowly, Hawke sticks out her tongue and makes a funny face at the taste, making Anders smile.

Taking a seat beside her, Anders caresses her cheek,"I hate seeing you like this. I wish there was something I could do.."

"Don't put yourself down, Anders. You've already done a lot for me." Hawke says, gripping his hand and placing a kiss upon it.

"I feel like I've failed you.. I should have been with you.." Anders says with a frown.

Hawke notices the sadness in his eyes and gently kisses him upon his lower lip,"You're here, now. That's more than I could have asked for."

Anders smiles brightly, grasping her face in his hands and forcing his mouth against hers passionately.

"And, I'll remain by your side from now on." he says, removing his robes.

"Don't make promises, Anders.." Hawke says with a frown,"They never end in anything but hurt."

Anders frowns a little,"But, I mean what I say, my love. What if your illness had been worse and.."

Hawke cuts him off by shoving her mouth against his and pushing him back onto the bed,"You talk too much, sometimes!"

"Now that is something I know I can do." he says with an evil smirk, caressing her breasts as he kisses her fiercely.

They lay there for a few minutes enjoying each other's touch, making up for the past three months.

Small moans escapes from Hawke's mouth as he begins removing her shirt to fondle her breasts.

She giggles a little as he rolls on top of her- an instant mistake.

The pressure of Ander's body begins sending waves of nausea and pain through her stomach.

"Are you alright, my love?" Anders asks her worriedly.

Frowning a little, Hawke pushes him off of her and curls her legs up to her chest.

Anders caresses her back, providing her a little relief.

"Want to call it a night, my love?" Anders says, slipping out of bed and shutting the door.

Hawke slowly slips under the covers as Anders rushes over and joins her.

Fluffing up the pillows, Anders lays down and Hawke cuddles into his side, sighing.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier." Hawke sighs, closing her eyes.

Anders caresses her head and smiles a little,"And, I'm sorry, too, my love.."

"Don't worry, Anders. You're here in my arms, now.. I forgive you." Hawke says with a smile.

They doze off into a peaceful sleep in each other's arms.

* * *

"Well, lookie here!" comes the familiar voice of none other than Varric, awakening the both of them.

"G-good morning to you, too!" Anders says with a yawn, smiling down at the half asleep Hawke.

Varric laughs a little, adjusting Bianca over his shoulder,"Came to check on Hawke- see how she's doing.."

"I could be better.." Hawke says, sitting up and frowning a little as the nausea slowly creeps into her stomach.

Varric frowns a little,"Some healer you are, blondie!"

Anders glares at him and Hawke laughs a little,"Have a sense of humor, Anders! You're doing fine."

Sighing a little Anders sits up in bed,"Nice to see you, Dwarf."

Varric nods at him, smiling,"So, no idea what's gotten a hold of our young Hawke, then?"

Anders frowns and crosses his arms,"It's just strange.. I've gone through my books and I've done all the exams I can on her.."

Varric eyes him with an evil smirk,"And, you've gone over _all _the reasons for a _woman _to be sick to her stomach?"

Rubbing his chin, Anders begins sinking into his thoughts; Hawke vomiting into the chamber pot.

Anders is bought out of his thoughts as Varric begins laughing out loud; slapping his knees.

"What are you laughing at, friend?" Anders frowns, looking from Varric to Hawke and then becoming confused.

"Think about it, blondie. You can't be that dense." Varric says with a wink,"I'll leave you two lovebirds alone."

"It was nice of you to visit!" Hawke says between deep breaths, pulling her head out of the chamber pot,"I already miss adventuring."

"You'll be back on your feet.. someday." Varric says with a smirk.

At that, he bids them a good day, bowing with Bianca, and leaves the room.

* * *

"Are you alright, my love?" he asks Hawke as she shoves the chamber pot onto the ground and curls up under the covers.

"Where's that potion at?" she asks him, breathing slowly to prevent the nausea from coming back.

Anders reaches down and grabs the small potion out of his robes, handing it to her.

She guzzles it down and sighs with slight relief, staring up at the ceiling.

"I wish I knew what he was laughing about.." Anders says, looking over at her, frowning.

"Maybe he was laughing at my vomiting. It is quite odd to see a 'hero' so weak." Hawke says with a smirk.

"I don't think that's what it was." Anders says,"He mentioned something about all the reasons a woman would be sick to her stomach."

Hawke's eyes widen in shock as she realizes what Varric had said, her stomach dropping,"Just, be quiet, Anders!"

"What's wrong, my love?" he says, noticing the strange look upon her face.

"I thought that's what it was.." Hawke says, closing her eyes and squinting them shut tightly,"Oh, maker- please don't let it be _that!" _

Ander's caresses her head and she slaps his hand away causing him to retreat, a look of sadness upon his face.

"Hawke- talk to me, please!" he says, his heart fluttering nervously.

Sitting up quickly, Hawke turns to glare at him,"Anders, you idiot, I think I'm.."

Anders stares at her in confusion as she takes a deep breath, small tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

He gently grips her hands in his,"Take your time, my love."

"I might be pregnant, Anders.." she whispers quietly, shock overtaking her.

Ander's heart stops as he watches her break down in front of him, her body racking with sobs.

Feeling as if he's about to pass out, he falls backwards onto the bed in shock.

They sit there in silence for a few, Anders staring at the ceiling and Hawke staring down at her hands.

* * *

The silence is broken by a cheerful Orana coming in to bring them breakfast.

"Is everything alright Messerre?" she says, placing the breakfast tray upon the table beside the fireplace.

"I hope so.." Hawke says quietly,"Would you mind leaving us in peace, Orana?"

"Of course, my lady!" Orana says with a bow, slipping out of the room quickly.

Hawke stares at the door for a few moments before slowly glancing over at Anders.

"I hope you haven't died over there." she says with a small smirk.

Anders avoids her eyes, continuing his staring contest with the ceiling,"Now is not the best time to joke, Hawke."

A frown makes its way on Hawke's face as she glares at him,"You don't think I know that? I just needed some way to break the silence."

"Yeah, well, can you blame me for being in shock?" Anders says, sitting up to face her.

"This affects us both, you know?!" Hawke says, wiping her face,"I'm scared, Anders."

Anders frowns at her,"As am I, my love."

Hawke leans forward and lays her head on his shoulders,"What are we going to do?"

Anders wraps his arms around her and hugs her to him,"We don't really have much of a choice, do we?"

Hawke sighs and looks up into his eyes,"Looks like we're going to be parents."

Ander's heart freezes at the thought of being a father.

She notices the look in his eyes and caresses his cheek, smiling a little.

"Hawke- I'm a danger to you.. I'll be more of a danger to our child.. I won't make a good father." he stutters nervously.

"You haven't hurt me, yet, my dear." Hawke says with a smile,"I think you'll do fine.. quit worrying."

Anders sighs and looks at her, his whole body shaking with fear,"I don't think I'm ready for this."

"You'll have to start soon, my love." Hawke says with a frown,"I'm not ready either. At least we'll be together through this."

Anders smiles a little and caresses her face,"I love you."

Hawke rubs against his hand and smiles, closing her eyes,"And I, you."

"I'll be back in a few, my love.. I just need some time to think." he says, standing up and slipping on his robe,"You need to eat while I'm gone."

"But, I thought you said you'd stay with me for a while." Hawke says with a frown.

Anders buckles up his robes quickly,"This is all just too much for me to process.."

Hawke sighs a little as he grabs the tray of food off of the table and brings it over to her in bed.

"I won't be but a while. I swear it, my love." he says, handing her the tray.

"I have your word?" Hawke says, looking up at him sadly.

Anders smiles down at her, caressing her cheek,"You have my word."

Hawke frowns as she watches him walk out of the room quickly, his body stiff from head to toe.


	4. Chapter 4

**It seems what's left of my human side**

**Is slowly changing in me**

**(Will you give in to me?)**

* * *

Anders paces back and forth nervously outside of his clinic.

A mixture of emotions forming upon his face; anger, frustration, sorrow, and joy.

_"I can't believe this.."_

He sighs and begins nervously fidgeting with one of his robe buckles.

_"This can't be happening.."_

_"Now, of all times!"_

_"We'll be hunted for sure!"_

_"Hawke- I'm sorry.."_

_"I knew this would end up horribly."_

A small growl escapes his mouth as he slams his fist against the door.

_"Dammit, Anders- what were you thinking?!"_

_"...Now is not a good time for a child.."_

Anders punches the door, angry at Justice for having gotten involved in his self-conversation.

_"Stay out of this, Justice!"_

_"You made a poor decision. I warned you against it, but you did not heed my warning."_

_"I don't need you making decisions for me!"_

_"You'd have been dead long ago if not for me."_

_"Not to mention horribly depressed.."_

_"You humans always annoy me with your emotions. They do nothing but get in the way."_

_"Will you shut up?!"_

Anders stops in front of a nearby pillar and begins to slowly bang his head into it.

_"Will you look at yourself? You're a madman!"_

_"Don't forget an apostate, an idiot, a love-crazy fool, and now.. a father.."_

_"Why don't you leave, Anders? Don't let such a trivial thing get in the way of your goal."_

Anders lets out an angry growl.

_"Trivial?! Hawke is having MY baby! I'd hardly call that trivial!"_

_"Who's to say it's even yours? You have no obligations to Hawke."_

_"Are you kidding me?!"_

_"What does one child even matter? I highly doubt it's the first one you've made."_

Anders angrily throws himself against the nearby wall, sinking to the ground.

With small; muffled sobs, he brings his knees to his chest and buries his face into his legs.

_"Just be quiet, Justice! I'm having a hard enough time as it is. I don't need you reprimanding me."_

_"Someone has to make sure you finish your goal."_

_"Right now, my goal matters little to me.."_

_"Listen to yourself! You're letting a woman come between you and Justice!"_

Anders breathes deeply, trying to calm himself.

_"I'm not letting her come between me and my goal. Hawke is my love."_

_"She's also a distraction!"_

_"She's done nothing wrong but bring happiness to my life. If anything, she's helped me get closer to my goal."_

_"You are a fool! You're letting your emotions take over. I cannot allow this!"_

_"What are you going to do about it, Justice? I'm through arguing. I'm going to find a way to deal with this. You're just going to have to calm for a while."_

_"No! I will not tolerate this!"_

A happily humming Varic stumbles into the alley and spies a crouching Anders upon the ground.

"What's this?" he says, intrigued; walking towards Anders.

Anders lies slumped against the wall, his knees wobbling against his chest.

"What's the matter, Blondie?" he says, leaning on Bianca like a cane.

No answer comes from Anders, making Varic smirk.

"Oh, I see.. someone's upset.." he says slyly,"Could a certain dwarf have been right?!"

"Be quiet, Dwarf!" comes an ethereal voice, issuing from Anders.

Varic quickly arms Bianca, aiming it at Anders, watching as Anders begins to glow blue.

"Ah.. Justice.. I see we meet again.." Varic says, watching the transformation.

"You will lower your weapon and allow us to pass." Justice says firmly.

"Sorry. No can do." Varic says, cocking the arrow in his crossbow.

Ander's body slowly jerks up into a standing position, his eyes and mouth glowing bright blue.

"You have no right to prevent me from going where I want." Justice says firmly.

"I do if you're forcing my friend to do something he doesn't want to." Varic says, shooting a bolt into the wall beside Ander's head.

Justice scowls at him, instantly chanting some of Ander's well-used spells and sending a few lighting bolts at Varic.

"S..stop it!" comes the strangled cry of Anders, fighting to regain control.

"Come back to me, Blondie!" Varic shouts, shooting a bolt into the other side of the wall beside Ander's head.

"Ander's cease your fighting and let me do what needs to be done!" Justice yells somewhat weakly.

"No, Justice. I will not let you control me!" Anders yells, pushing Justice back and regaining control of his body.

Gasping from exhaustion, Anders slumps to the ground, breathing heavily.

"V-Varic.." Anders gasps,"You were right.. Hawke is-"

"Pregnant?" Varic says, kneeling beside him,"Yeah, I kind of figured.."

"How did you know?" Anders pants, trying to catch his breath as he sits up.

"Well, while you were off bandaging up the poor, I was watching over her for you." Varic says with a smirk,"After all, we are friends, Blondie."

"Thank you.." Anders says with a weak smile,"I never thought I would ever have a friend like you.."

Varic laughs a little,"Spare me the drama.."

Setting Bianca down, Varic takes a seat beside Anders and rests his elbow on his shoulder.

"You see.. I was there the night she started acting nervous." he says with a wink.

Anders blushes a little,"How was she acting? I never would have thought of Hawke being nervous."

"Well, she came out of the woods one night, cussing under her breath." Varic explains,"She looked very flushed and worried- wouldn't talk to any of us."

Anders sighs,"P-please continue.. I feel so bad for having not been there for her."

"To make a long story short, we were stuck in the woods for a few days." Varic explains, a small frown on his face.

"Why's that?" Anders asks,"I thought she said you all had been working non-stop."

"As much as it pains me to say it- she had spent a few days crying and sleeping in her tent." Varic says,"None of us bothered her.. Then, one day, she just walked out of her tent, looking as if nothing had happened."

"And, all of this led you to believe she was pregnant?" Anders looks at him, confused.

Varic laughs a little and slaps his friend on the back,"Poor Anders.. don't you remember telling me of your rendezvous, eh?"

Anders turns bright red,"I was drunk.. you practically made me tell you.."

"Pshh.. even if you hadn't told me I'd have known it happened." Varic says,"I've seen the way you two act towards one another."

Anders smiles a little at the thought of Hawke, hoping she was doing alright.

"Add sex and a Hawke taking less bathroom breaks than she usually does during her usual time of the month and- Bingo!" Varic says, snapping Anders out of his thoughts.

"I guess that makes sense." Anders sighs, thinking about his recent discovery.

"That it does, my friend.. now that you know, you had better take good care of her." Varic says,"There were several times she came close to hurting her stomach."

"I know.. and, if I had known, she would have been staying in bed long before now." Anders says, rubbing his face.

"Don't beat yourself up, kid." Varic says, elbowing him in the side,"Just do your best to make up for these past few months."

"I-I'll try.." Anders says, nervously,"I just don't know if I'm cut out for this."

"Well, make yourself." Varic says sternly,"Hawke is pregnant- it's too late for you to get cold feet."

"But, you've seen what I am! I'm a danger to Hawke- a danger to our-" Anders panics and is cut off by Varic.

"You're only a danger if you let Justice take over, Anders." Varic says,"I know you're stronger than him. Hawke trusts you- don't break that bond.."

"But, regardless- we'll still be hunted.. they make try to take our baby!" Anders panics, gasping for air.

Varic slaps him in the face,"Snap out of it, Blondie! No one is taking Hawke's baby, not while we're around.."

Anders takes deep breaths, small tears forming in his eyes.

"... I wish Hawke hadn't.." he cries, closing his eyes.

"Don't talk like that, kid. Hawke chose you.. she's a smart girl.. you should be happy." Varic says, watching Anders cry.

"I-I am.. it's just, I wish I would have met her a few years ago." Anders frowns,"She would have stopped me from taking pity on Justice."

"What's done is done, kid. You cannot change the past." Varic says,"However, you can change the future, if you do wish to do it."

Anders smirks a little, watching as Varic stands up and slings Bianca onto his shoulders.

"Think on it, kid." Varic says, walking away,"Hawke needs you.."

Anders watches him leave, collecting his thoughts.

"..Our baby needs me." he says, a small smile forming on his face.

He quickly stands up, ignoring the angry feelings Justice is sending through his body.

With his heart pounding, worry and happiness coursing through his veins, he rushes as fast as he can to Hawke's estate.


End file.
